The Truth About the Neurodivergent, High‑Functioning Brain
Masking, Method Acting, and Survival | K. Birdsong Kressler
Growing up, I was really, really awkward.
By the time I was in fifth grade, I was already 5’8”, about 150 pounds, with a blunt‑cut afro, PCOS‑related facial hair, gap teeth, and heavy‑hooded eyelids. I stood out in every possible way. I was called “mulato” by elderly nuns, “exotic” by a priest (yes—that happened), and I learned very early that my body, my brain, and my presence made other people uncomfortable.
I grew up in small‑town Pennsylvania, along the rust belt of southcentral PA, and attended a small Catholic school filled mostly with wealthy, white peers. Differences were not celebrated there. It was observed, whispered about, sometimes mocked, sometimes fetishized. I learned how to survive it.
What I didn’t know at the time was that survival had a name.
Just like I didn’t know that code‑switching was code‑switching until someone finally said it out loud and explained it to me, I didn’t know that what I was doing with my personality, my voice, my posture, my humor, my interests, and my emotional responses was called masking.
For many neurodivergent people—especially those of us who are ADHD, AuDHD, or otherwise wired differently—masking is not a choice. It is a learned adaptation.
It is method acting for survival.
High‑Functioning Does Not Mean Unaffected
The term high‑functioning is often used as a compliment. What it usually means is: you suffer quietly enough that other people don’t have to accommodate you.
High‑functioning neurodivergent people learn early how to:
Read a room before entering it
Script conversations in advance
Mimic tone, affect, and pacing
Suppress stimming, impulsivity, or emotional intensity
Over‑prepare to compensate for executive functioning challenges
Perform competence even when internally dysregulated
We become excellent observers of human behavior. We learn what gets approval and what gets punished. We internalize the rules—even when they are never explicitly stated.
Masking works… until it doesn’t.
Because masking is exhausting. It requires constant cognitive labor. It disconnects us from our bodies, our needs, and our authentic responses. Over time, it contributes to burnout, anxiety, depression, substance use, identity confusion, and deep shame.
Many adults don’t discover their ADHD or AuDHD until they are already burned out, misdiagnosed, or questioning why life feels so much harder than it seems to be for everyone else.
“I Thought This Was Just My Personality”
That sentence shows up in my work constantly.
“I thought everyone was this tired.”
“I thought I was just bad with money.”
“I thought I was lazy.”
“I thought I was too much.”
“I thought I was broken.”
No—what you were doing was adapting without support.
Many neurodivergent adolescents and adults are never taught:
How executive functioning actually works
Why motivation is not the same as willpower
How dopamine, novelty, and urgency shape ADHD brains
How emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity impact relationships
How masking affects identity development
Instead, they are taught to try harder.
And so they do—until trying harder costs them their health.
Why We’re Creating ADHD Groups for Adults and Adolescents
Our upcoming ADHD groups were created because too many people are still learning about their brains in isolation, shame, and crisis.
These groups are not about fixing you.
They are about:
Naming what has always been there
Understanding your nervous system and executive functioning
Gently unpacking masking and method acting
Learning practical, compassionate skills
Building language for self‑advocacy
Connecting with others who get it
We are offering separate tracks for adults and adolescents, because early understanding changes everything—and it is never too late to learn.
In these groups, you don’t have to perform. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine.
You get to be real.
Unmasking Is Not About Becoming Someone Else
Unmasking doesn’t mean throwing away everything you’ve learned.
It means deciding—often for the first time—when you want to perform and when you deserve to rest.
It means replacing shame with context.
It means realizing that the child who learned to method act was doing the best they could with what they had.
And it means offering yourself—and the next generation—something better.
If you see yourself in this story, you are not alone. And you are not late. You are right on time.
Information sessions and group details for our Adult and Adolescent ADHD programs will be shared soon. We would be honored to walk alongside you as you learn your brain, your patterns, and your truth—without the mask.
